Dream #9: Knock Knock, Who's There? Raw Meat

Dear Billy, 

In my dream, it started off a good atmosphere, with friends I know and places I have been before that are close to where I live. It started off as a school trip at a dessert place (I finished school last year). My whole class and teacher were there, except for one unfamiliar boy. He whispered something to my guy best friend. I got offended and decided to do something to get him in trouble so, without being seen, I went over and knocked down all this paper stuff hanging off a rack. I told everyone he did it. We were sitting away from each other when something crazy happened: he turned into a demon-looking thing and gave me a cheeky smile. I told the teacher, “He’s crazy, something just happened to him and he changed.” The teacher said, “It’ll be okay.” 

Then we all went outside and the atmosphere changed. The demon was chasing me around with a knife. People said the only way to stop him was to kill him before he killed me. So I chased him, and he changed into a different person while running. I stabbed him in the leg, arm, back, stomach, and right in the head. I thought he’d died. I went home to my Nan’s house—my real life Nan and her actual house. We thought the thing was dead until we heard a door slam and someone running up all fifteen flights of stairs. I locked the door but by the time I did, the thing was there, looking scary, skin grey, short hair, holes in its face, blood everywhere. The image was terrifying. It kept knocking and waving. My whole family was in the house and we were all looking for ways to get out but it wasn’t possible as my Nan lives so high up. The demonic thing wouldn’t leave me alone and stayed at that door, knocking until I woke up.


Billy says: The class trip scenario and presence of your teacher are both good signs you are moving toward your highest ideals and will make wise decisions about your current situation. You are being pursued by someone who believes they need you by their side—permanently. The fact you attempted to challenge the demon is also a good sign: you are relentless in pursuit of your goals and willing to protect yourself and those you love. The presence of your friend concerns Billy, as the terrifying demon’s face at the door symbolizes worry, sorrow, or vexation. A person pursuing you wants to suck you into a relationship that may not be in the best interest of you or your family. Rid yourself of anything in your life that could lead to self-inflicted harm or that leaves you open to others’ cruelty. You are perched on high with clear sight about the situation in question. No matter how hard that demon knocks, hold fast the door.

Dear Billy,

I elope with a version of my brother-in-law. We meet at a Pride Parade. Look, I say, pointing out my real brother-in-law in the crowd. He turns around and storms over. My beloved and I flee. We have one rickety bicycle between the two of us. We wind up sharing a twin bed in a dorm room with a lesbian couple. They regale each other with tales of sexual conquests. My beloved points to a painting ten feet tall on the wall. Almost finished, he says. The painting is mine. It is a portrait of a young girl with a purple face. She is holding up a raw T-Bone steak. Her face and the steak are the same color. Not bad, I say. 

We wake up and I have started my period. This is the third time I have started my period this month, I tell my beloved. I go into the bathroom and steal a tampon from the lesbian couple. One of them bangs on the door. My beloved and I get on our bicycle and pedal down a dirt road that is also a freeway. My beloved morphs into my sister. My wheel gets stuck in a rut and I fall down the side of the road into a forested ditch. My sister comes after me. My leg is stuck in a tree stump. A man driving a tractor trailer pulls over to help. My sister wrenches my leg free. At the bottom of the ravine is a pond, and the three of us can see the silhouettes of people dancing. The man runs toward it, and my sister and I follow. The pond is full of children. Some are submerged in the water, but we can see their pale faces clearly. A little girl crawls out of the pond and latches her sharp teeth into my leg. I scream. My sister pulls me away. 


Billy says: There are dreams and then there are explosions of luck. While this dream may have been confusing or upsetting to you, Billy sees only an overwhelm of good news coming. 

The appearance of a brother-in-law warns you to stay calm in the upcoming fireworks. A bicycle tells us that your road to success with escalate rapidly, and a dorm indicates that within five days (!) great changes are going to occur in your life. Be prepared for the luck that is coming. Paintings tell us to promote any positive event and to showcase our skills; purple is a color that signifies great inner strength and healthy metamorphosis. That your painting is a portrait of steak tells us you want celebrate that you are alive by enjoying the simple pleasures of life—you don’t need to blow all your money to have fun! 

And money is coming, indeed—getting your period indicates you will soon have enough money to buy something quite expensive. That your sister appears and saves you from harm reminds you to confide in her about all the change in your life; let her support you and share your happiness. Ponds signify that you will soon be asked to take a leadership position, and the pile of children suggest that people will be eager to grant you favors. One of these children bites you, though—Billy warns you to take care. Do not let anyone steal your joy during this overwhelm of good fortune. 

Hold your sister’s hand, and let her love move through you. You are going to be more than okay. Enjoy the bright lights. The future is juicy, and purple, and full of new good things. 

Dear Billy,

Where it began I could not tell you, but this was no dream; this was a scheme. I don’t know. I felt a presence of some sort of pure evil. I can’t explain it any other way.In this dream, I can’t think of what I did “wrong” per se to these beings, which resembled humans. Suddenly I was being smashed in the head and I could feel it without pain, the feeling of being mutilated in the back of my head/brain. Afterward, throughout rest of the dream, I have some sort of bandage-turban around my head keeping the pieces together, but I know I am dying. I am being mocked, laughed at, pointed at. It feels like I’m waiting to die. I can feel my body rotting and literally falling apart.

The environment was rancid: raw pigs feet covered in what looked to be human feces, feces all over the walls, mutilated animal and human parts. Laughter in the background. Some sort of powerful being, itself mutilated and wearing these mutilated body parts until it resembled a massive octopus.My mother was also in the dream. She could see my mutilated body but said nothing except “I only have ten minutes or so.” What?! My mother, my life, my light—my world, aside from God—is watching and allowing this?I’ve been awake for five hours, not terrified, but just feeling something was not right about that dream. 

 —Mother, Why Have You Forsaken Me?

Billy says: You have done nothing wrong except neglect your true path. Unfortunately, your mind experiences this neglect as a pure evil, as something truly vile smeared on the walls. Mothers appearing in dreams point to a need to shift your behavior. Your old self is falling apart and you are trying desperately to hold yourself together. If it’s any consolation, this is happening for everyone else around you, too. Resisting necessary change for too long can turn into self-mutilation, self-harm. Perhaps you believe there is power in this resistance, but your dream suggests otherwise. Your mother is not herself; she is you, refusing to make time and space to heal your life. This is no time to say “I only have ten minutes to devote to myself.” This change will require more than ten minutes. Remember to be a mother to yourself; give yourself real love, true care, and feeding. Nourish yourself on more than whatever rot is lying around. You deserve so much more than self-betrayal and mutilated remainders of time. Once you learn how to feed yourself, the morning will look so much brighter.