Dream #1: Our Boy Who is Not Leonardo

Dear Billy,

          I dream a gold and dark field. Home. I am two sisters, an older and a younger. We have a boy we love, who looks like a young Leonardo DiCaprio. We search for him. We think he's dead, but then it turns out he is darkness, a green alien made of ash. He stabs us and leaves us in the field. He is all darkness now. Leaves swirl around him. A whip lashes off his head. A dark rider of his same species—but bigger—appears, wearing a Stetson.  He tells our boy he will be punished for what he's done. Our boy regenerates his dead from his neck. Dark rider reaches into our boy's mouth and pulls out a wine bottle. Reaches into his throat again and keeps digging.  Dark rider sends him away when he is done, to wander the earth.
        Our boy now has the head of a deformed cow. The dark rider sends a herd of cow people with enchanted heads—they look like people who have died—to follow him forever. Our boy says, thank you for being merciful. The dark rider says, I wasn't. He gives our boy a horrible secret name that he must tell to whomever he meets, that they will see him rightly. Dark rider says, you will never see me again.
Our boy gets to ride in a carriage. The cows and his true face must be invisible to others.
Our boy says, I have a long way to go. I will pay you well to engage you all the way. My name is _________. The ride is in darkness, seemingly uneventful. The driver begins to cry. He says, I can't do this anymore. Get out. Our boy asks why. He says, the children. All the children, they keep coming out into the road. We're hitting them, and we can't stop. We're hitting them, over and over. Can't you feel the bumps? Our boy realizes his curse. The dead follow him to die all over again, from the children on up.

—Thump Thu-whump Thump




Billy replies:  The two sisters are two sides of yourself, helpful and unhelpful. The setting, in a field, tells Billy that of late you have been indecisive: make up your mind!  Mr. DiCaprio’s presence can mean many things, depending on your feelings about Leo, but he was a teen heartthrob, so Billy’s pretty sure he’s a symbol of passion. When he turns into a green alien of ash, Billy sees fire, grief, and remorse: the growing, blooming, green parts of your life burned down to the ground. The sisters’ stabbing points to loss, of friends or money, though in this case Billy believes their death means you’ve lost clarity about what you most want in your life. Whipping, too, points to money difficulties decapitating your passions. And yet the cow-heads tell Billy that your misfortunes are nearly over and done with. Carriages mean you will soon visit friends who can help. Alas, children are our successes—Billy sees conflict, your passions running roughshod over your successes. Billy feels that you have gotten yourself into some money troubles related to your life’s work, and fears along with you that this trouble will be cyclical unless you can turn your passion into success. Harness your dead, and let them pull the carriage.